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About Me Member Deviant of Many Talents Ashley Fritz21/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 3 Years
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This is It. And no, sorry doesn't cut it.

Wed Oct 28, 2009, 6:20 PM
  • Mood: Hopeless
  • Listening to: How to Save a Life - The Fray
  • Reading: Brides of Lancaster County - A Merry Heart
  • Eating: Pumpkin Seeds


Well my life fucking sucks, and has been for quite some time. I try and keep shit like that away from my journals, but you know, fuck it.

Here's my sob story, sorry to those of you who dont give a flying you know what, and I have no excuses.

========

I have this boyfriend. In fact, this boyfriend whom I love very much I even consider him marriage material. He'll be having his birthday soon, and as long as I have known him he has been an addictive smoker. Not like a pack a day or anything like that. But he still did it. And he knows I hate it. At first I did what most people do wrong, they nag about it. Then come the idle threats. Blah blah blah. Then I figured that if he was going to beat this addiction, I had to be there to support him. Well, I did. Multiple times. He tried to quit, and at the most accomplished about a week or more cigarette free. Whenever we would visit he promised not to smoke around me and I believed him. The first and second time he did just that. The third time, not even close. I was there for barely one day and he got stressed out and smoked right in front of me as I cried and wondered why he wanted to hurt me. I understood the fact that he was stressed, and yes, I did take into account the fact that when I was visiting him at that time he wasn't really trying to quit. Good, fine, happy and dandy. I don't tolerate people I can't trust. I hate liars with a passion, and he'll probably call me a hypocrite. In fact, he's the only person I have ever let past my boundaries.

Then some hard times came through, I was planning this big move to be with him. In fact I had basically thrown everything to the wind on my side, just to be with him. Stupid I'm sure most of you are thinking, but I didn't have very much anyway. I have no family to speak of, no friends except those on the internet and they are few now that I closed my website (which by the way, thanks to those of you who said you were my friends on there and then never said one word to me after), and not even a job since the economy is down shit. So I guess in my eyes at the time, it didn't matter. But, I got turned back at the Canada border. So, back to step one for that basically. And here I still sit, day after day and I feel that I have absolutely no purpose to speak of.

But that passed, as all things do, and as I'm sure this will too; and we got back in the same routine of things. Well as routine as long distance relationships can be. And recently to my surprise, he actually made an honest effort to quit smoking. I played along of course not believing that anything would come of it. Surprise once again, he had actually quit. I was so happy, so fucking ecstatic. And he did it all on his own, the praises came flowing. Really I can't even explain how happy I was and the way he talked about it, he was happy as well. So if anyone here has ever read some tragic book before, then Im sure you can guess what happened. Yeah, he smoked again. Just yesterday in fact. I get these feelings when things happen. We have this yorkie that I had a dream about while I was visiting my boyfriend, in my dream she got her one leg ran over and broken. I came home and the leg was broken to my utter surprise, but by a horse not a car. Other times I had horrible feelings about the day, and something bad would always happen. But yesterday actually the day was quite good. I had a really great night on the phone with him. And then tonight, the feeling came. Just this horrible doubt-filled sort of pain almost. At that point I pretty much knew. So I asked and was told what I already had known.

This really isn't so much about sob sob poor me. This is about the fact that TRUST is key. How can anyone keep with something that continuously hurts them, but loves them at the same time? What is that even mean? I don't know really, I do know that despite it all I still love him and always will. But I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry to bother you all.

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Holmes County, Ohio
  • Print preference: Glossy
  • Interests: Horses, Reading, Animals, Riding, Art, Photography, Plants, Life, Love, Friends, Photoshop, Books
  • Favourite movie: The Piano, Moulin Rouge, V for Vendetta, LotR Trilogy, Star Wars
  • Favourite band or musician: The Fray, Metro Station, Dashboard Confessional and Regina Spektor
  • Favourite genre of music: Alternative/Emo/Rock/Indie
  • Favourite artist: Anyone who can see the beauty of things.
  • Favourite poet or writer: Poets: W.B. Yetes, Edgar Allen Poe / Writers: J.R.R. Tolkien, Marrion Zimmer Bradley
  • Favourite photographer: Uhhh...myself?
  • Favourite style of art: Photo Manipulations and Digital Drawing
  • Operating System: Windows XP
  • MP3 player of choice: Something I got from target for $80
  • Shell of choice: Seashell hehe ^_^
  • Skin of choice: Human Skin muahaha
  • Favourite game: Halo 3/Oblivion
  • Favourite gaming platform: xbox 360
  • Favourite cartoon character: Salad Fingers from fat-pie.com
  • Personal Quote: What's done is done.
  • Tools of the Trade: Photoshop Adobe CS2 ^_^
http://www.berichfarms.webs.com

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Comments


:iconthe-lumos:
I used your stock in [link]
:iconsuntanna:
Thanks a bunch for the :+devwatch: I've really enjoyed talking to you and I appreciate the support :)

--
"Even if the voices aren't real, they have some very good ideas."
---
Clubs: =ManipulateThis, *DA-KennelClub, ~EssentialEquine
Stock account: ~suntanna-stock ~da-joint-stock
:iconcarrie-erin:
[link]
stock used here ^_^

--
don'cha wish your Sig-na-ture was HOT like MINE!
:iconskyrider94:
hi i posted on some of your stock today saying that i would use it, and get it out to you asap since i hadnt created it, yeah, the works.

so pretty proud to present now, the finished product [here]. so i think it turned out great so thanks a bizallion!!! your stock is amazing!!!

PS- oh yeah, this is only my second manip ever. what do you think? :)

--
~~skyrider94~~

:) i like meetin new people so please dont hesitate to ask questions!! i'd love to hear from you! even more if youre a random person like me!! LOL! :D :D
:iconfreedom-falling:
Thanks so so much haha you are just great. And I commented on the finished product thank you ^^

--
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
[link]
:iconfaraf-xx:
Ew, thank you for reminding me that was in my gallery <3

--
My motto: "good enough."
:iconfreedom-falling:
lol

--
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
[link]
:iconllawlietz:
Hiya, I used your lovely 'swing' stock image here -> [link]
:iconthesupergrunt:
I used your stock, here it is:

[link]
:iconmoosje:
I have used your stock:
[link]
Thank you! :D
:iconfaraf-xx:
Waaaait wait wait wait -
You play Oblivion and Halo.
Your fav movie is V for Vendetta.
You drink milk <3.
You love Regina Spektor = We need to start chatting more (again) !!

:glomp:

you know you want to..


--
My motto: "good enough."
:iconfreedom-falling:
LOL well maybe if you'd show your face around these parts a bit more.

But yeah, Im always willing to talk, send me a note or something, or heck get on msn one of these days when Im not sleeping! haha


--
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
[link]
:iconpbgraphics:
I used your stock here: [IMG][link]
:iconfreedom-falling:
Thanks so much for using my stock, and for letting me know! Sorry for the late reply :D

--
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
[link]

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